Letting go...

Confession - as much as I loved physically being pregnant (really, really, really loved it), I hated the emotional/mental side of the process. I was so often wrought with worry. I had to vow to put down all pregnancy books (but of course, good ol'Google was always there to entice me to the dark side!) so that I wouldn't find another thing to be worried about. I'm sure we can attribute a good 50% of this anxiousness to the miscarriage, but the other 50% - if I'm honest, that's just all me. I've never been the positive-chakra-energy-flow-optimistic-lookonthebrightside kind of person. I over-think things for a hobby. (Note to self- find a new hobby.) All this to say, there were times where it was tough and I remember thinking what relief I would have when he was here. When he was finally here and healthy - then I'd be super!

Oh, pregnant-self if you only knew how much worse it would be with the child OUTSIDE rather than IN. Hahahaha - how little I knew. My anxiety only worsened after Tobin was born and I've surprised myself with just how paranoid I can be...for example, for the first few weeks of his life I was convinced he had a fever. Absolutely positive he had a fever. I can't wait to share with this boy just how many times his mom took his temperature (ahem, in the booty) just to make sure he hadn't spiked a fever. Turns out this boy just runs warm to the touch - as do I, so I should have known better. He is half mine, right?

I remember telling a friend, that while Tobin was wonderful and easy, I wasn't prepared for how inept I would feel. All of a sudden you have this amazing and beautiful boy - YOUR boy - and you're so intrinsically connected and concerned with his well-being that in the beginning it's very hard to make sense of all the emotions you have the second after their arrival. I mean - I've never worried about other people's bowel movements, have you? I'm guessing and hoping not! But now - NOW - I can rattle off all the statistics of the day to you in rapid fire. 3-greenish/yellow, seedy, and slightly grainy.

And the day and age in which we're raising children doesn't help, right? I think we can all admit that there's an enormous amount of pressure on parents today to navigate the ridiculous amount of information heaped upon them when it comes to breastfeeding v. bottle-feeding, hitting milestones, growth charts, vaccinations, healthcare choices, independent play, cloth diapering v. disposables...I mean the list goes on and on. How did we manage before?

What's been fabulous is for as crazy as I can be - Ty is the opposite. There are no problems until a problem is actually there - I mean you could lather Tobin in honey and set him in a bear cave and Ty would think all was fine until a bear actually licked Tobin in the face. Obviously, this is a slight exaggeration, but you get my point. And I'm sure this is a good thing, because lord help us if there were TWO of me raising Tobin.

All this to say - that in my crazy-research and trying to make sure Tobin is as safe as possible I researched like a gazillion monitors. We wound up going with the monitor that not only monitors sounds but monitors MOVEMENT. And there's a little pendulum that swings back and forth that means your baby is breathing - maybe I've fallen asleep watching the pendulum... Well, Tobin is to the age now where he rolls back to front and front to back - we're mobile in a major way all of a sudden - so that means he sleeps on his tummy (AGHH, but Back is Best!), but you know what - there's nothing I can do. So, I found great comfort in the monitor. Well, about two weeks ago it gave us a false alarm. Which means the dang thing made this alarm to signal that there was no movement. You've never seen me fly out of bed so fast. Only to arrive at his crib and to see his chest rise and fall peacefully. Then the false alarm went off again that same night. We adjusted the sensitivity thinking that maybe because the air conditioning was running more often that perhaps that was messing with the monitor...then last night - AGAIN. But this time it didn't just wake me, it woke Tobin too.

So you know what guys, I turned the whole thing off. Tobin is in the room next door. I can hear him just as loud and clear as I could if I just had a monitor that produced sound. Crazy-me would never have thought I could sleep without the monitor on and on full volume - but I did. I slept soundly. Till Tobin woke up with a poopy diaper at five am, but I think I'm learning. Learning little by little that letting go of those fears, that will always be there because I love him SO STINKING MUCH, is only going to help the both of us be more at peace as we find our way together.

 

And because everything is better with pictures - here's Tobin illustrating just how good he is at letting go as he went swinging for the first time!

 

 

4/5 Months...

Oh, I'm SO overdue with this update. So, we're going to call this the four-almost-five months post and then hopefully we'll be back on track starting with six - and just thinking that we're nearing six months makes me a little verklempt! Okay, A LOT verklempt!

So we're busy over here folks...As if my tardiness doesn't give that away! Since Tobin's three month update it has been a developmental explosion. There isn't a day that goes by without something new and oh my goodness is it FUN. I am so in love with this boy - or as we've nicknamed him - our Toblerone. He's just a big chunk of sweetness!!!

What?? Don't act like you're not impressed...

Some sweet morsels about our boy right now:

• Feet are the new hands, didn't you know? He actually has sucked on his big toe. Sick and funny. 
• I thought he had no interest in rolling over, but he was doing it in secret while he slept. He's mastered tummy to back and is working on the opposite direction now.
• Umm, we are nearly crawling. FREAKING ME OUT. I thought that was later...but no, we are crawling/scooting backwards and have gotten up on all fours and moved forward. All the pieces are there, once he puts it together we are in trouble.
• We started a little bit of solids, just rice mixed with breastmilk and a splash of banana. No issue with texture, swallowing, etc...he acted as if though he's been waiting for this his whole life (all four months of it)! Oh, and he's trying to grab for the spoon...I don't think so, buddy!
• He is getting so good at his "kisses" - he grabs your face and brings it to his and then tries to suck on your mouth. I adore it.
• He is so, so, so ticklish. He cracks up so hard if you tickle his back or thighs...I need to get it on video because his laugh is hysterical!
• At his last appointment he weighed 19.2 pounds and is approximately 27 inches long! He's still a big boy.

I could go on, but to sum it up - I think our pediatrician said it best when he saw him last..."Tobin, slow down, it's OKAY to be a baby!" I couldn't agree more, my son!

Now for the goods...more pictures!

He continues to be a master of expression...

Really, Mom???

All things in the mouth at all times - seems to be this kid's motto!

Okay, okay - I'm almost done! Last picture and then we're through:)

See you later!!!

Beach trip!

In desperate need of a vacation, some down-time, and some fun...Ty and I decided that we should all take a little family vacation to Corpus Christi. We had wanted to check out the Texas beaches for a while and finally the time seemed right! My parents and Emily came along for the trip and we had a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful time. We didn't know what to expect, but we were pleasantly surprised by warm waters (Gulf of Mexico, so that we should have known!), lots of waves, and super soft sand! Gotta love those southern beaches...

This was also Tobin's first time on a real vacation now that he's on his schedule - more on that to come, but taking a 4 month old on vacation and a two month old on vacation are two very different things! All this to say, kiddo stuck to his schedule like a champ and did great! He napped on the beach listening to the waves in real time vs. his sound machine:)

Now for the fun part - the pictures...Tobin's very first moments on the beach. He was a bit confused (is this my new bathtub?) but not surprisingly, as he loves the water, he loved the beach!

After much sight-seeing, there was always the required nap:)

 

Evenings consisted of too much fun playing with Aunt Emily and Grandma...

 

On Sunday we all went to the Texas State Aquarium - which was SO much fun! Tobin was enthralled...if you look closely at the collage you can see him trying to touch the jellyfish! The adults had just as much fun taking in the sights - that would be my Mom and Dad smiling at the dolphin show:)

Tobin post-aquarium visit...

Our last day, right before we hit the road home...Tobin was growing tired of pictures, and of the hat that no longer fits over his cheeks, also his shorts look horribly tight in these pictures...umm, they are size 12 mos. Looks like someone inherited his mother's thighs - sorry, kid!

Me and my boy on the beach...doesn't get much better than that!

And, I know I'm late to his four month update...guess that's how it goes with life these days...I'll be back after his appointment on Friday!

Warm Southern nights...

Call for dips in the pool, sans clothes...

Hope your week is going off swimmingly!

A beary good time...

Tobin loves his bear...

Well, he pretty much loves to eat it.

But he also loves to hold his hand and give kisses:) And then try and eat him again...

Three Months

Where do we even begin? This last month was bittersweet because it brought with it my return to working outside of the home, and let me tell ya - not spending every day with this little guy for all hours of the day is not my idea of fun. I know some people are ready for maternity leave to end, I have to say, I do not fall in that camp. BUT we are making the best of it and it definitely makes me treasure every single moment I'm home. I just can't wait to soak up that boy of mine and be with him.

And those times I'm with him bring so much happiness that they far outweigh the bad...because OH MY GOODNESS is he getting to be so much fun. I am absolutely loving this stage right now! There's so many connections being made and his personality comes out a little more each day. Here's a little glimpse of our Tobin at three months:

• He continues to love love love his bath time. BUT now I seriously emerge from bath time looking like I've just bathed a dog. This is no exaggeration. He kicks and splashes like no other. It takes his breath away and then he just goes at it again - really cracks me up.
• Oh, how this kid loves reading! I thought - sure you start reading to them as early as you can because it will form good habits and it will be part of his bedtime routine...but no! SO incredible to watch him take it in and react...and I cry every time. Really. Amazes me so much I cry. His favorites are Dinosaur vs. Bedtime and That's Not My Dinosaur.
• His hands continue to be a favorite past-time. He found his thumb and started sucking it, only till the next day when he discovered that he likes as many fingers in his mouth as possible. I am nearly convinced he's teething because he is constantly gumming his hands/fingers. Oh, and the drool. Yuck. We have a total drool-monster. 
• He's smiling and talking more and more each day - in fact today has been the first time where he full on belly-laughed multiple times. And wouldn't you know it - it was because I was yelling at Margot to not lick him. Oh the fun those two are going to have...I can see it now! Right now I can hear him talking to Ty downstairs as I'm upstairs typing this entry out - he just doesn't stop once you get him started. Oh, and he's LOUD. 
• He weighs about 17.5 pounds and is about 26.5 inches long...but this is all done at home with our scale and measuring tape, so we're not sure just how accurate that is, but we'll report back with official stats from the doctor next month!

Now for the fun - some pictures AND a couple videos of him with Grandma reading!

Dad and Tobin reading...SO into it!

Getting soooo...big!

That's our news for now:) Have a wonderful week! If we're with it, we may have another post before month four...but I'm not holding my breath on that one!

A Busy April

To say we took advantage of all April had to offer would be an understatement! Knowing it was my last full month at home, we filled it with fun! And as I was thinking about Tobin's upcoming 3 month update, I knew there were too many fun memories not to share - so here you go...April's photo dump...

We're starting to get warm over here, so Grandma helped come give Tobin his first taste of the pool. It was just toes and ankles, and despite the skepticism on his face - he loved it!

We took Tobin on his first trip to Round Top - he's going to be an expert antique spotter by the time he's two! We had a blast and it was SO fun to take him along for one of our favorite outings and it was our first road trip as a family of three!

This is just proof of our horrible parenting skills...or as we call it "sensory learning." HAHA - he grabbed the plastic and we let him play with it - gotta love the face when he realizes this is not what he was hoping it would be...and yes, anything this boy touches goes directly in the mouth. ALL MOUTH. ALL THE TIME.

 

My favorite bathtime shots ever! Love the body. Love the face.

Oh, and lest us not forget Easter and the perfect opportunity to dress him up in ridiculous clothes. Too much fun people, too much fun! Who says girls have to have all the cute clothes? I dare anyone to tell me this is not just as fun as a tutu - I mean a newsboy hat and matching shorts? In plaid? FUN. Also in these shots he sometimes looks like Dom DeLuise. I die. Too funny.

We're clearly having too much fun over here, right? Can't wait to see what May brings!