Wednesday, July 16, 2014

On two...children, that is.

I sit here perched hysterically on the edge of a chair typing while simultaneously bouncing Sutton in the front pack so that he might – key word – might – stay asleep. This post will be far from grammatically correct and will likely contain a load of words typed wrong and if auto correct doesn’t catch’em – so be it. 

This is me today right before writing - keeping it real, folks! Messy kitchen, no shower, and Sutton snoozing away!
So where are we? For about two weeks life with two was wonderful. We were blissed out in a MAJOR way. Sutton was a dream baby and Tobin was the best big brother you ever did see. But then Tobin had a febrile seizure (just typing that kinda makes me want to vomit) and while I’m sure many people I’m over-dramatic, it rocked me big time. I blame this partly on being two weeks postpartum. And then the virus that seizure predicated came on and will forever be known as the “great virus of 2014.” I am naming it thus so that 2014 has no more stronghold in such a manner over our family – I mean everyone, everyone!!! got sick. Including Sutton – who at the urgent care appointment had to have his heel pricked and squeezed a ridiculous number of times because the nurse just kept saying “sorry, he’s not a bleeder!” It was after this particular nurse’s third attempt that she pretty much gave up and we got a new nurse – and boy, did this nurse get the little guy’s blood out. AND that was also when Sutton, oh our dear Sutton, found his voice. And he hasn’t looked back. 

So here we are about two months post all that fun and I wish I could say we’re still living in blissdom. We’re not. Don’t get me wrong – we are never for a second not in love with our new addition, or unhappy – we’re just tired.
Really, really, really, really tired.
And Sutton has since not been the easiest baby on the block –he is as we tell others “olic.” Meaning the “c” is silent as are his cries. But in every other way he is a colic baby. Meaning he takes a lot of work to be content, and oh, he doesn’t sleep during the day. I mean, I know that Tobin didn’t sleep all that well during the day on his own either, but that was no biggie. I only had one kid then, I could sit and just hold a baby while said baby napped on me. How fun! With Sutton, not only does he not do well napping alone, he is tough to get to go to sleep in general. So you finally get him to sleep, only to have him wake 20 minutes later. BUT put the kid in the front pack and after he fights it for about 20-30 minutes he’s out. Friends – there’s nothing I can’t do in a front pack these days. I go to the bathroom in the front pack, I cook, clean, play with Tobin, etc...all while wearing my 18 pound three month old baby. 

Dem guns.

This picture really captures Sutton - full of it and chubby!
Now to Sutton’s credit – we are seeing some better days emerge, so I think things are improving. But we have a ways to go. OH – and lest I forget – I GAVE UP DAIRY FOR THIS KID. People, this is huge. Milk and cheese are like my lifelines. And since it did make a difference, dairy free I will be!
Now back to the moral of the story...the thing about two – two and under – is it’s busy and there is never, in like really not ever, a second where you are not needed. And the hardest part of that whole deal is not the total exhaustion you feel as you hit the bed, the hardest part about it all is that you really don’t feel like you’re enough for both kids. Because at some point, there is going to come a time where you have to divide your attention entirely to one of the two and you immediately feel awful for the child who is currently the “have-not.” I think most people with two might be able to ease into this a bit more than we did but with the seizure and the worst virus ever, I immediately had to start making those decisions. It was very strange to ride away in an ambulance with Tobin and give next to no thought as to how Sutton would be cared for – but there was pumped milk in the freezer and they’d figure it out....I cried to my mom about a week after everything happened and asked her if I seemed disconnected from Sutton because I just really felt like that early bonding time had been jacked up in a major way. Of course she answered in a way that made me feel better and now that I’m farther away from the postpartum hormones, I know I did the best with what I was given. And he’s made sure we made up for bonding since I pretty much am still gestating this child considering how much I wear him:)
Tobin has resorted to playing "puppy" and other fun games of that sort...

What 5 pm looks like every day - not pictured, my beer.

So, while I’m rambling all over the place and this has become the world’s longest post – I’ll leave it at this...two is great. But it has not come easy by any means. I think that every day gets better and that keeps us all going! 
There are more things I want to write - like Sutton's birth story (because it was so amazing and wonderful and I don't want to forget it!), and those monthly updates (Sutton will likely have quarterly updates because that's really our speed at posting!), and other things. But I expect writing here will be slow-going and now you know why. We're adjusting and I'm giving myself some grace in the process:) I'm guessing that when work kicks back in full time in a couple of weeks, more adjustment will be required...
We'll be back!
P.S. Yes, all these amazing quality photographs were taken with my phone and are edited in super fancy schmancy Instagram. We've taken about five good photos with the *real* camera - hahahaha. Oh, the hilarity and difference from one kid to two:) Or maybe I just suck it up, either way - hysterical!