Sutton at Six Months

Sutton is now six months and I haven’t written a thing about him – just him – since he made his debut. So, I thought at the very least the child deserves a half-yearly update and then maybe if he’s lucky he’ll get another post at one.

So, where to begin? Oh, buddy. You are FUN. And just about as opposite of your brother in every way (save for size, you are just as big, if not a little bigger! 22.8 lbs and 28 inches). But where Tobin was already crawling at six months, you are not. Though I think you could if you would take your hands out of your mouth and use your arms correctly. But this is all okay, I am very thankful to not have you quite as mobile, because if your personality thus far is any indication of what we’re in for – well, I’m really okay with having a less-mobile version of Sutton for now.

For not being all that mobile, you get around plenty. You do this 360 degree move that makes us all laugh and you get to and from with a combination of this rotation on the ground and rolling. And you can move where you want to at the moment.

You are extremely, extremely loud. I realized the other day that you don’t cry nearly as often as I think you do, you just kind of yell your opinions all the time, be it happy or sad! You often happily yell/babble at us as you sit and clap, which is another favorite activity of yours. You are very proud of yourself when you clap and you are even more excited when we all congratulate you on your newfound skill!

You play very well for your age already, but you have to be given options, which just kind of cracks me up and I think says so much about you. You like your toys to be set next you in a basket and then YOU and only you can take them all out one by one and empty the basket. By the time the basket is empty you either try to eat or drum on the basket and then time is up!

You have the world’s biggest smile. It is a super gummy and wide smile that takes up so much of your face and the only thing cuter than that smile are the dimples you have framing it. I don’t know where the super deep set dimples came from, but oh boy, do I love them! In general, you just have big, animated features and if there’s anything that can compete with your smile/dimples it’s your eyebrows. And your Daddy wonders why I’m so neurotic about keeping my own groomed – hello, brows! You clearly got my crazy arched eyebrows and they are intense when you use them. I love you for it. They are amazing. Side note – when we got family pictures done this last weekend, I would have appreciated at least a little bit of your smile on display, but you were intent on having your best Jack Nicholson impersonation on display instead. I’m sure they will be hysterical to see….

There is no one, and I repeat, NO ONE, whom you love more than your brother. And now that Tobin is really starting to understand just how happy you are when he plays with you and the way you respond to him, he is quite in love with you too. We are really starting to hit our stride as a little family of four and we love you so much!

We are SO thankful for the spunk, energy, and love you bring to our family!

Saturdays...

Saturday three months ago...

Saturday today...

We've gotten bigger, there are less clothes (clothes are optional because they equal laundry), Tobin still has an amazing case of bedhead and that cheesy smile...and Sutton remains skeptical of it all...

Love these Saturdays - Happy Weekend!

On two...children, that is.

I sit here perched hysterically on the edge of a chair typing while simultaneously bouncing Sutton in the front pack so that he might – key word – might – stay asleep. This post will be far from grammatically correct and will likely contain a load of words typed wrong and if auto correct doesn’t catch’em – so be it. 

This is me today right before writing - keeping it real, folks! Messy kitchen, no shower, and Sutton snoozing away!

So where are we? For about two weeks life with two was wonderful. We were blissed out in a MAJOR way. Sutton was a dream baby and Tobin was the best big brother you ever did see. But then Tobin had a febrile seizure (just typing that kinda makes me want to vomit) and while I’m sure many people I’m over-dramatic, it rocked me big time. I blame this partly on being two weeks postpartum. And then the virus that seizure predicated came on and will forever be known as the “great virus of 2014.” I am naming it thus so that 2014 has no more stronghold in such a manner over our family – I mean everyone, everyone!!! got sick. Including Sutton – who at the urgent care appointment had to have his heel pricked and squeezed a ridiculous number of times because the nurse just kept saying “sorry, he’s not a bleeder!” It was after this particular nurse’s third attempt that she pretty much gave up and we got a new nurse – and boy, did this nurse get the little guy’s blood out. AND that was also when Sutton, oh our dear Sutton, found his voice. And he hasn’t looked back. 

So here we are about two months post all that fun and I wish I could say we’re still living in blissdom. We’re not. Don’t get me wrong – we are never for a second not in love with our new addition, or unhappy – we’re just tired.

Really, really, really, really tired.

And Sutton has since not been the easiest baby on the block –he is as we tell others “olic.” Meaning the “c” is silent as are his cries. But in every other way he is a colic baby. Meaning he takes a lot of work to be content, and oh, he doesn’t sleep during the day. I mean, I know that Tobin didn’t sleep all that well during the day on his own either, but that was no biggie. I only had one kid then, I could sit and just hold a baby while said baby napped on me. How fun! With Sutton, not only does he not do well napping alone, he is tough to get to go to sleep in general. So you finally get him to sleep, only to have him wake 20 minutes later. BUT put the kid in the front pack and after he fights it for about 20-30 minutes he’s out. Friends – there’s nothing I can’t do in a front pack these days. I go to the bathroom in the front pack, I cook, clean, play with Tobin, etc...all while wearing my 18 pound three month old baby. 

Dem guns.

This picture really captures Sutton - full of it and chubby!

Now to Sutton’s credit – we are seeing some better days emerge, so I think things are improving. But we have a ways to go. OH – and lest I forget – I GAVE UP DAIRY FOR THIS KID. People, this is huge. Milk and cheese are like my lifelines. And since it did make a difference, dairy free I will be!

Now back to the moral of the story...the thing about two – two and under – is it’s busy and there is never, in like really not ever, a second where you are not needed. And the hardest part of that whole deal is not the total exhaustion you feel as you hit the bed, the hardest part about it all is that you really don’t feel like you’re enough for both kids. Because at some point, there is going to come a time where you have to divide your attention entirely to one of the two and you immediately feel awful for the child who is currently the “have-not.” I think most people with two might be able to ease into this a bit more than we did but with the seizure and the worst virus ever, I immediately had to start making those decisions. It was very strange to ride away in an ambulance with Tobin and give next to no thought as to how Sutton would be cared for – but there was pumped milk in the freezer and they’d figure it out....I cried to my mom about a week after everything happened and asked her if I seemed disconnected from Sutton because I just really felt like that early bonding time had been jacked up in a major way. Of course she answered in a way that made me feel better and now that I’m farther away from the postpartum hormones, I know I did the best with what I was given. And he’s made sure we made up for bonding since I pretty much am still gestating this child considering how much I wear him:)

 

Tobin has resorted to playing "puppy" and other fun games of that sort...

What 5 pm looks like every day - not pictured, my beer.

So, while I’m rambling all over the place and this has become the world’s longest post – I’ll leave it at this...two is great. But it has not come easy by any means. I think that every day gets better and that keeps us all going! 

There are more things I want to write - like Sutton's birth story (because it was so amazing and wonderful and I don't want to forget it!), and those monthly updates (Sutton will likely have quarterly updates because that's really our speed at posting!), and other things. But I expect writing here will be slow-going and now you know why. We're adjusting and I'm giving myself some grace in the process:) I'm guessing that when work kicks back in full time in a couple of weeks, more adjustment will be required...

We'll be back!

P.S. Yes, all these amazing quality photographs were taken with my phone and are edited in super fancy schmancy Instagram. We've taken about five good photos with the *real* camera - hahahaha. Oh, the hilarity and difference from one kid to two:) Or maybe I just suck it up, either way - hysterical!

My boys

We had a quick ultrasound today to check up on Baby #2...because just like with Tobin, I am measuring big again. A mere 5 weeks ahead. But I digress. The point is, all looks good. We've got another big guy on our hands, blah blah blah...BUT most excitingly they gave us a 4D shot at his face and I was dying to come home and compare to Tobin's at this same time.

So here they are...my boys, side by side. My boys! Eeek, so excited!

First thing I see is just how very different they look! I can't wait to meet the little man in 6 weeks or so to see for myself!

Tobin is Two!

Tobin at Two!

So before this guy goes and turns three on me, I figured I better sit down and make myself write down all the words that are in my head about this wonderful boy of ours...but where to begin? I've written so many posts about him in my head that as I type this it almost feels redundant. So, son - if you ever do read this blog one day (ha!, fat chance), please know while my updates have been lacking it really is all your fault - you're just so much fun I can't pull myself away to blog about it - I'd rather just be sitting next to you! BUT for posterity's sake - here goes:

You are a delight. See picture directly below for evidence...

Really though, while we have definitely hit some of the fun behaviors that are often associated with two - overall you have taken it sooo easy on us. You are so thoughtful and you really, really, really love people. On your birthday weekend (which you happen to share birthday week with your Uncle Danny and Granny) Uncle Danny had his friends over. And there you are - this little two year old (albeit big little two year old) and you just latched onto these 21 year old boys like they were your best friends. And after a fun night of making them sit next to you and play drums, or go down the slide, or play with play-doh...we finally had to say goodnight and get you home. We told you to start making the rounds of saying goodbye and instead you just looked out and surveyed the crowd and exclaimed (dramatically but sincerely) "I love you people!"

I share this story because that is just SO you. You are full of love, joy, and confidence - but in the midst of all that good stuff - you're also a very sensitive guy and that just makes you a really special combination.  I am so thankful for that because you're just weeks away from becoming a big brother and I am so confident of your ability to handle that new addition to your life and ours!

Other fun facts about you:

You continue to be on the larger than average size - see picture collage above for proof of that one. You look way older than most other kiddos your age and I think being nearly 38 inches and 38 pounds has a little something to do with it. You also physically have a very strong control of your body and can do things that I don't think most two year olds can do...but you've always been that way when it's come to anything physical. I mean, you got a basketball hoop for your main birthday present and boy do you know how to use it. You amaze me, and all this hand-eye coordination plus athleticism is clearly ALL from your dad!

You are animated and so very expressive! Your language really exploded around the 18 month mark and hasn't slowed one bit since and you talk from the moment you get up till we put you back down. You love to count and have recently taken to identifying sets of things while we're out, "Look - Two dogs!" But more than anything you still love to just be outside and if the weather permits - that's what we do. Outside from sun-up till sun-down and you couldn't be happier. Oh, that and animals. There isn't an animal you don't like or shy away from. Oh, and wait - balls. Balls, balls, and more balls. Soccer, baseball, basketball, those cheap ones from the grocery store that cost like $2.00...And let's be honest here - even your own balls...where does that come from?!?! Let's just hope that fascination dies down from between here and year three.

But really, Tobin. I delight in you all day long! I would have at least 7 more children if they were all like you... There is not a day that goes by where I do not want to sneak back in and lay next to you after you've already fallen asleep for the night. I am SO proud to be your mom. And I really can't wait to see where this next year takes you (and us!)...because to look back on this past year blows my mind in how far we've all come together as a family.

We love you SO much!

2014

I feel like I have to start with a disclaimer about how I never write, blah blah blah...but we all know that song and dance. I'm going to start using this space to write about more than just home stuff and it may be of very little to no interest to y'all so feel free to skip!

So  the other stuff - it will be a lot of work related posts and vision/planning posts. And to be very honest I don't even know that that means yet but I know that I crave an outlet to write my thoughts on motherhood, work, and how I balance struggle with it all. I've been working through Lara Casey's 2014 posts on goal setting (see here: http://laracasey.com/blog/) and was SO struck by this paragraph:

You see, though, God doesn’t tell us to seek pleasure or a life where we just coast.  He sometimes calls us in seasons of our lives to rise up and let Him work profoundly in us to accomplish far more than we can on our own.  I’m in one of those seasons and I am praying for Him to use me. In these seasons, and always, He tells us to work hard and let Him fill us with a kind of rest that a vacation just can’t accomplish. It’s 20 levels deeper. If you read Proverbs 31, you see a woman who works hard for what matters, rising at dawn and using all she has for her family and others. And then she rests in Him. But, lately I’ve been falling into the trap of self-doubt during some of that rest time. My brain has been spinning a bit, thinking that I cannot write a great book or be a great mom or have as good of a year in business as last year. But. But! Then I remember the greatest lesson I learned from 2013:His plans are far bigger than mine.  He is bigger than me and what I can do on my own. He is in control. My job is to simply trust and obey.

SO good right? I tell you, while I'm not writing a book I could have written that exact paragraph. It could not sum up more where I'm at in this phase of my life. And I can't tell you how many times I whine about how hard I have to work and that it just doesn't "feel fair." And beyond that just how very much I struggle with self-doubt. It may be my #1 stumbling block - to all aspects in my life!

But over the course of this last year I've really come about to understand that I've been called to this moment in my life and that I DO enjoy my work and I do enjoy my home life and that I don't have to have one without the other. I will be very honest in saying that I don't want to work forever, at least not at the level which I operate currently, and that I dream of staying home one day with my boys. But those are my dreams and my only real task right now is to follow HIS plans and where those plans lead I don't know.

I'm hoping to do more listening in 2014 to HIS desires for my life, because I know that will only take me to good places.

Happy 2014!